Following separation, often parents start the arrangements for their shared children without much of a plan whilst the family settle into their new situation. Sometimes parents might adjust the arrangements over time until they can settle into a routine that suits the family.
Sadly, and often where there is poor communication and the co-parenting relationship is not a strong one, the arrangements later breakdown.
Cafcass, the Children and Family Court Advisory and Support Service say that if children experience poor inter-parental relations or do not know when they are next seeing the other parent, they are more likely to worry, especially if there are long gaps between visits without an explanation. Therefore, it is important for separated parents to always put the children’s needs first, despite any differences with their former partner.
As a family lawyer, I am often approached by separated parents who seek to regulate the arrangements between them and the other parent. Before considering Court intervention, there are a number of tools available that can help separated parents to co-parent more effectively:
- A Parenting Plan – Parents can work together and formulate a Parenting Plan, which is a plan negotiated and agreed between the parents setting out what the arrangements for the child / children will be. For a free Parenting Plan template, visit: www.planningtogether.cafcass.gov.uk/plan
- Parenting App – Where there is conflict between parents, and they struggle to communicate, a Parenting App should be considered. There are many free and paid Parenting Apps available, and the idea is that the App is used by the parents for discussion about the children only, and it can include things like calendars, ability to make audio and video calls, share expenses, make payments and maintain a secure text communication with the other parent. Feedback from parents who have tried this have reported that limiting communication to an App has been helpful.
- A parenting course. Attended alone or together, a parenting course can be a useful way for parents to gain insight about positive parenting and the benefits to the child / children. The courses usually consider how parents can effectively communicate and work together with the other parent to agree parenting arrangements without the need for Court intervention.
- Mediation – if separated parents cannot agree the arrangements for the child / children, then they should consider Family Mediation. This is a process in which an independent professional trained Mediator helps the parents work out the arrangements for the children. The Mediator will help to try and find a solution which works for both parents. The process is less stressful and significantly quicker than going to Court, and Mediators work with separating parents in ways that are flexible. If separated parents do not want to be in the same space, then often remote Mediation sessions can take place.
- Child Inclusive Mediation – This is a structured process which is suitable for older children where a qualified family mediator speaks to the child / children to ascertain their wishes and feelings. Where the children give permission, these wishes and feelings are then shared by the mediator with the parents in a separate feedback meeting. The parents can then use this information to agree the child arrangements moving forwards.
Conclusion
The risk to a deterioration in the child / children’s emotional well-being and mental health increases significantly where separated parents have a high level of conflict between them. Therefore, separated parents are encouraged to consider how they can try and work together and communicate.
Remember that as children get older, often their needs will change. Therefore, when arrangements are made when children are very young, sometimes those arrangements could have a limited shelf life and later need to be reviewed – another reason to try and remain amicable with the other parent, where possible.
For more information or specific advice, please contact Emma Alfieri, Legal Director, in our Family team. Consistently ranked as one of the best Family law teams in East Anglia, our solicitors have years of experience, yet are personable and approachable.
This is only intended to be a summary and not specific legal advice. If you would like further information please contact a member of our team.
